I don’t know why I married this man, I truthfully don’t.
Sure, my friend and I get along well enough and he treats me pretty well most days, but he also endlessly drives me up the wall as a personal activity.
It was just last weekthat he thought it would be funny to hide fake spiders around the home and warn me that global warming was absolutely messing with our critter evolution. Then two days ago he was turning off the moderate water during the shower after I told him that I could be a chilly ass bitch. Now, this week he’s endlessly mocking me with all of these fake birthday gifts! He pretends to have a important surprise worked out for me, and then crushes me with the truth. The most startling one was when he told me that he knew I had been chilly all winter season long. He said he understood that I had terrible circulation and felt chilled to the bone even when the furnace was running. He agreed that a forced air central boiler was inefficient, and that I would appreciate more direct and consistent heat in the afternoon, right when my toes touched the floors! With that statement I screeched in excitement, truthfully thinking that he had purchased and installed radiant radiant floors for us, but for years I had been begging for radiant floors, just in our living room to moderate up the floors, at least. As I swooned, thinking my heating dreams had come true, he pulled a heating pad out from behind his back and threw it on the floor; Voila! DIY radiant radiant floors, he yelled.